Coming to a hospital near you.... The BUTT BUZZERS® are coming for nurses and RTs. The BUTT BUZZERS® are coming for you and me. Doctors don't get them because they're refusing, but the rest of you are coming along for the... BZZZZZT!!!!
Why? Well, that's simple. With a firmly inserted BUTT BUZZER® -- small chip just under the surface of your skin -- your bosses will be able to track you wherever you go.
Why would they want to do that, you ask? Well, it's to protect YOU -- of course (somewhere a boss snickers). Your bosses will be able to protect you better this way because they will always know where you are or were. They will also know exactly how long you were in the room of a patient, and that you were in the room.
Think of it this way... This will be essential if the patient says you did this or that to them. Maybe the patient fell and it's your fault. Your boss can see on the computer tracker that you weren't even in the room...or that you were on Facebook. And since the hospital will be reimbursed for services rendered, it will show you had x amount of time at the patient's bedside.
It will also protect your boss from having you not making use of your time. As soon as you enter the waiting room an alarm will sound. As soon as you sit an alarm will sound. You will no longer be able to sit around and Facebook or blog. Humiliating health bloggers like RT Cave will no longer be able to blog from work (Is that that main reason for the BUTT BUZZERS®? Somewhere an RT boss snickers).
It's also nice for nursing because as soon as they enter a room with a call button on the nurse alarm will automatically go off. When you are not working, and it is busy at work, your boss will know that you are home and not answering the phone.
This is all for your benefit, of course, because you should be at work anyway making money to support the hospital and keep it in business and keep patient's happy. Yes, the BUTT BUZZERS® will be pressure activated, so if you want to fall asleep you'll have to do so standing up -- at least while your on company time.
Coming soon! To a Hospital near you!!!! The BUTT BUZZERS®. (Patent Pending)
Fret not, though, my friends. Because I talked to the folks who work at one hospital that has this system and -- when the bosses are away -- they rip out the buzzers -- yes, it can be done. These folks tape them to their remote control cars and airplanes. All the members of the crew get to watch TV, and they rotate turns buzzing around the remote control vehicles up and down the hallway and in and out of rooms.
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