Real indications for EKGs

So the following are indications for EKGs as taught at John Hopkins University School of Medicine:

Yellow cheese under breasts
Arm pain
Yeast infection
White lint under breasts
Maggots in groin area
Nausea
Oozing abscess
Sycopal episode
Pt unable to bathe
Light headed
Pt unable to brush teeth
Cardiac history
Black teeth
Short of breath
No teeth
Stomach pain
White flakes over clothes and skin
Palpitations
Excessive body oil
Electrolyte abnormalities
Bloody nose
Fell
Weakness
Stroke symptoms
Pt skin comes off in sheets
Malaise
Jaw pain
Poverty
Vomiting
Homeless
Over 90
PE
Malaise
COPD
Confused and belligerent
Bloody nose
Headache
Drug overdose
Mental changes
Parkinsons (extreme shakiness)
Diarrhea
Blurred vision
Larygorhhea (loquacious)
Sore toe
Diabetes
Abscess on butt
Cirrhosis
Because
Bad feeling about patients
Don't know what else to do
Cover your ass
It's Monday