Things only an RT would say

I just finished giving the lady's mom a breathing treatment when she said, smiling, "So you just gave that so my mom meets criteria, right?"

I said, "You have GOT to be a respiratory therapist."

"I am," she confirmed.

Some things only an RT would say, and that's one of them. Here are some other things only an RT would say:

1. I have the ABGies
2. That breathing treatment's not needed
3. Now that the patient has allbetterol in his system he's good to go
4. The hypoxic drive theory is a hoax
5. Xopenex is the same as Albuterol
6. Bronchodilator abuse
7. All that wheezes is not asthma
8. All shortness (dyspnea) of breath is not asthma
9. The only reason the treatment helped that patient with dyspnea was the oxygen boost
10. I only work so I can have days off
11. I'm not smart enough to be an RT (or maybe I'm smart enough not to be an RN)
12. I love being an RT
13. I hate being an RT
14. That patient does not need suctioning
15. Suctioning an awake and alert patient is unethical
16. Most of what we do is a waste of time or delays time
17. You don't intubate a number
18. Q4ever treatments
19. Doctors don't wean on weekends or after office hours
20. Oxygen does not treat anemia
21. Breathing treatments do not cure rickets
22. Ventolin is like scrubbin bubble therapy.  Doctors think it gets deep into the lung and scrubs them clear of all lung ailments.
23. Doctors think Ventolin prevents everything from asthma to rickets, from atelectasis to pneumonia
24. Ventolin does not even get deep enough in the lungs to treat pneumonia
25. There's no smooth muscle and no beta receptors in the alveoli
26. Are you short of breath?
27. Let me listen to your lungsounds
28. Let me get you a stool, a fan and a table to lean on
29. I walked 20 miles at work today
30. You want a what...!!!
31. The patient had no history of short of breath, has no lung disease, doesn't smoke, has clear lungsounds, a normal x-ray, and yet I had to give a treatment anyway
32. I can't find (feel) a pulse
33. Take in a deep breath... and blow, blow, blow, blow.....
34. This EKG will be quick and easy.... unless you're a hairy man, then it'll be painful
35. If you need me I'll be in the waiting room watching TV

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